how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
