Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
