I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
