Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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