Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
