The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
