I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
