he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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