therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
