Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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