Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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