so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize