It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize