Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize