I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
