i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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