I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
