Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
