Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
