And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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