I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
