So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
