She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
