ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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