Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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