Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
