Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
