I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
