We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
