Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize