We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
