Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
