I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
