NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
