my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
