This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
