It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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