you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
