You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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