i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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