Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
