why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
