Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
