Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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