It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
