therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize