You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize