dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
