I'm drive I can fine osifer
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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