he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
