I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
