Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it hurts more in the daytime
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
