No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
