i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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