She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
