not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize