I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
