I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
