It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
