A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
