Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
