i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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