Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
