Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize