maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
