can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
